If we’re going to be completely honest, we all know that Father’s Day is just another sham holiday much like all of the ones made up by social media managers trying to sell whatever their client told them to. #HappyNationalBoxedLasagnaDay! Don’t get me wrong, your dad totally deserves to be celebrated for raising your probably ungrateful ass. That being said, there are the traditional gifts that every single site will tell you to get, but your dad probably (definitely) wants something else. As a certified dad whisperer (pause), I’ll let you know what things you SHOULD get your dad, but also what he actually wants. Thank me later.
What You Should Get Him: Baxter of California Wet Shaving Kit, $125
What He Really Wants: You to get a haircut. It’s great to try to elevate your pop’s grooming routine, but he really wished you looked “decent.” (Probably his words, not mine.) What does that mean? Stop trying to grow your hair out like your favorite upcoming rapper or worse, a man bun. Your follicles are your business, but making sure you don’t look like a scrub is his.
What You Should Get Him: Dune London Suede Brogue, $150
What He Really Wants: You to stop spending an egregious amount of money on sneakers. I have the type of that dad that believes a guy should own at most 5 pairs of shoes. (Lol, right?) Till this day he tells me that he’s only owned two pairs of sneakers his whole life. (I’m first generation so the immigrant guilt is real.) Your dad will probably appreciate a nice pair of stylish shoes because he won’tt buy them for himself. He does, however, worry that the majority of your check is going to copping the latest Nike, Jordan, Adidas, or whatever collab drop. (Spoiler alert: you probably are.)
What You Should Get Him: Casa Noble Joven
What He Really Wants: You to stop getting wild smacked and embarrassing yourself in public. Let’s just get this out of the way: Don’t buy that man another bottle of scotch that’s going to collect dust in some cabinet or on a random shelf. It’s summertime so you might as well crack a bottle open and enjoy a drink with your old man. Trust me, he’d prefer that rather than the finding pictures your trash bag friends took of you while you were passed out in the middle of a party.
What You Should Get Him: Microsoft Surface Book, $1,499
What He Really Wants: You to stop embarrassing him online. If you’re balling out like that, then this is a pretty good computer for dads who don’t know how to do anything besides share fake stories on Facebook or those who want to use professional-grade software. Can’t afford to get him a new computer? Stop calling strangers on the web “dad” and quit acting a fool in the Hypebeast comments. Basically, act like you have some sense while using the internet.